6. Tell Your Story.

"11 years later I still don't have alot of words to describe what it was like to hold my grandfather's hand as he passed away. He was so kind and loving and he always had our best interests at heart. Some people remember him for other things but I remember him taking us back in his ratty old truck to feed the fish in the pond and playing his guitar and always reading us the Bible when we spent the night. I remember him eating a huge piece of my 15th birthday cake, even though he hadn't heaten in days and felt awful in the hopsital, just because I asked him to. I remember him always saying "Here's Hungry!" whenever I walked in the door and telling me he was so poor as a kid he had to be his team's "Nickleback". I remember his love of orance slices, Taco Bell and always wearing khaki pants and shirts. I remember finding his "Rape Crisis Center Volunteer" badge in his truck and asking him what it was. I was too little to understand what it meant, but he just said "Sometimes just being there for people is what is important. Finding out about his life now is fascinating. He went through so much and worked so hard and still raised an amazing family. I just regret not talking to him about it personally. I still miss him alot and I'm sad my own kids won't be able to meet him. But I'm so glad Clyde Brown was my Pap-paw. I couldn't have asked for a better one."

I posted that on my facebook today. It has almost been 11 years since my Pap-paw passed away... it will be in just a couple of hours. I remember that day so vividly- but at the same time it feels like a fog.

My Pap-paw had been in the hospital since October. I remember going to see him in Logan Memorial just after the Tobacco Festival of that year. It was cold and rainy that day. Not long after that he was transferred to The Medical Center in Bowling Green. I don't really remember visiting him much there, but I'm sure we did. After that he was moved to a local rehab center. My 15th birthday fell about that time and I took him a huge piece of cake I'd made myself. It had white icing with pink and purple flowers. I remember the piece of cake filling a Cool Whip bowl and he ate every bit of it- just because I asked him to. When Pap-paw didn't feel good he rarely ate. It's hard to explain that, but he just didn't have an appetite, but he always ate for me. And he always asked for my mom's butterscotch brownies. For a year or so afterwards I couldn't eat one. It made me too sad.

What's odd about my Pap-paw's stay in the rehab center was that my grandmother (from my dad's side) had a joint replacement about that time and they we both in the facility over Thanksgiving. Both sides of my family came together for a huge Thanksgiving meal. Normally they'd have a few family members here or there come in for holiday meals, but they had to give us the entire cafeteria! We took alot of pictures that day, but we didn't get one of all the grandkids and Pap-paw. I always regret that.

After some time in the rehab facility, my Pap-paw was moved to another hospital in Bowling Green. This is when I feel like I really screwed up as his granddaughter. I didn't go visit very often... in fact I can only remember going once. A 45 minute drive is not an excuse to me. If I had asked, my parents would have taken me.

I was a freshman in high school in Clarksville, Tennessee about that time and everyday I rode home with another girl from my hometown. One afternoon, January 21st, to be exact, my dad's car was in the pick-up line. "Your grandfather is sicker. We have to go to Bowling Green" he said.

It wasn't supposed to happen like that. The doctors had agreed. They said he was getting stronger and he was going to be coming home on the following Wednesday. Here it was Friday and suddenly he was sick again. It didn't make sense.

We drove home the 30 minutes home and my dad and I met my Aunt Donna to continue the other 45 minutes to the hospital. I remember taking a huge book I was reading about 3 orphans on an orphan train. When we got there we went to the ICU waiting room. My mom was already there and was back with him, along with my other aunts and my grandma. A little while later, they came out and several of us went to dinner. I remember we ate at Hometown Buffet and I ate alot of noodle salad. In the car we called my sister and I told her Pap-paw seemed to be doing better- which is what everyone said.

Later that night the nurses called immediate family back. I don't know the details but suddenly things were very serious. We were told it was only a matter of time. I stayed in the waiting room with my dad and my Aunt Donna. I remember crying "Someone tell him it's okay to go!" Finally my mom decided she wanted the rest of us back there. I walked down the corridor into his room. I remember my aunts crying and I moved up the side of his head. My mom was across from me holding his hand and I took his other one. My grandmother was cradling his head and crying. My two aunts were at his feet. I vaguely remember what happened next. I know he squeezed my hand once, and he made eye contact with me. I remember the nurse coming to turn off the machines that were helping him breathe and I remember calling my sister to tell her he'd passed away... a far cry from the conversation we'd had earlier in the night.

And then, my next memory is sitting in the elevator bay, outside the waiting room with my cousing Patrick. He had gotten to the hopsital with my two uncles too late. They hadn't gotten to say goodbye. But Patrick was sitting there with me as the funeral home man came in with his gurney. Then Patrick and I walked down to start everyone's cars. It was about 2 in the morning at this point, January and he was about 16. We were going to warm up the cars as the adults signed the appropriate papers and got my grandmother gathered up to go home and I turned to Patrick and said "This sucks."

11 years later, those words have rolled through my head all day. This still sucks. I miss him so much and I'm sad my future family won't be able to meet him. Some days when something really good happens- when I've worked really hard and honestly for something, when I've done what he would have wanted me to do... I cry. Cause I know he would be proud of me.

Watching someone die isn't easy, and perhaps that's why I've had such a hard time with this but I've never regretted for once second being there. I'm glad I could hold his hand... but this still sucks.

5. You can't lie...

I'm a curvy girl. I wasn't always curvy. I was pretty much a stick when I first started middle school - and being 6'1'', a little extra padding didn't seem to matter... until one day I looked in the mirror and realized I had a lot of extra padding and from then on I started comparing myself to every. single. female. I saw. It was unhealthy, yes- but in a weird, bizarre way I think it also made me humble. In my family looks were never important. EVER. It mattered that we were good kids and made good grades and were polite and not boisterous and obnoxious (I failed miserable at those last two but the good Lord knows I tried like crazy!)

So now as an adult, I know how to dress my body. I know what shapes flatter me and what style of jeans I need to buy. In all honesty- sometimes I go into the store and try on the clothes I WISH I could wear and even though they are in my size... they just don't look good. It makes me sad for a while and then it makes me fighting mad. I realized doing this before grocery shopping helps me buy healthie foods!

This week I had a long conversation about all this with my sister and I admitted some hard stuff to myself: I'm an emotional eater. I eat my feelings - I even have said that to a friend on occasion. "We need to go get sushi. I feel like eating my feelings." And I have a very hard time working on portion control. Being single it's so hard to not just eat out of the bowl or to cook several meals out and then ration them so I have food for a week (plus I get board with leftovers!) So this week, with my sister as my inspiration (cause she's stronger than I'll ever be) I started to change the way I look at food. It's fuel for me, and I happen to be one of those people who really enjoys flavors. So I went to the grocery store, bought lots of healthy foods and I've started eating 5-6 meals a day! Hard? Absolutely. I feel like I'm eating around the clock! But it's also curbing some hunger and helping me keep from snacking on horrible things.

For example: Yesterday I had some blueberry granola crisps for breakfast. Then for lunch I had a low calorie spaghetti meal and a couple of hours later I had some low fat yogurt. For supper I made myself vegetable soup and finished up the day with a snack of yogurt and then later in the night I had some guacamole rice crisps (taken out of a larger bag and divided into perfect servings into ziploc bags upon purchase!)

Today wasn't so great. We had a huge event at work so I did what I could. I had yogurt at breakfast. I felt like I need a bit of a sweet boost. Then I ate a small salad for lunch. For a mid afternoon snack I had blueberry granola crisps. Then for dinner I had a huge salad from a restaurant here in town. It was probably high in calories due to the cheese and tortilla chips but It did have grilled chicken so that was better than nothing. I also had a 32 oz. soda that wasn't diet... but I was so tired and exhausted from my job it exactly hit the spot. And then I had a yogurt when I got home.

Yogurt is something I'm learning to love. Blueberry is quickly becoming my favorite. I used to dislike the texture but after doing some research I can't help but give it a try. Most sites I see recomment around 18 oz. a day but I can neither afford that much... or stomach that much. I've been lactose intolerance for a while- but it's supposed to help with that. I'm hoping that clears up and offers some other health benefits. I really hoping I'm going about this all the right way. I know I've dieted before and it hasn't worked but this time I feel like I need to give it my all. I need to prove those people wrong who think I'm just "that big girl."

Are you confused yet? What does this have to do with the title of my blog? "You can't lie..."? Well, tonight I told a friend... a guy friend... how much I weigh.

Whoa. Can't tell you how much I wanted to back out of that one, but you know what- I couldn't lie to him! And in the end it was only slightly traumatic!

It actually helped me to see that number in black and white and realize how close it was to a very frustrating all time high I reached a few years ago. But I've lost 5 pounds this week. 5 less than I weight on Monday and all I'm doing is maintaining my normal active schedule and just being careful with every bite of food I put into my mouth.

You know what's weird, when I was talking to this friend I was so nervous he was going to think of me differently when he knew my number. I was just sure he was going to see me as an ogre or something and then I realized that's stupid! Weight is weight and we're the weight we want to be. I've been curvy for years now because I didnt' care enough about my body to take care of it and only I can be held responsible for my actions. Sure I might fail miserably at the diet and end up a thousand pounds heavier by the time it's all over with but I just don't think I will this time. I'm finding something that works for me and it's actually easier than I thought.

Maybe this will be a good year for me after all.

4. Stick To The Restaurants...

A few months ago I found a coupon at the grocery store for an Asian-inspired boxed dinner (pasta/sauce/you add the meat) and, since I'd never had that kind before and the coupon was actually decent, I bought it.

I've made plenty of boxed dinners before but this one called for shrimp and I've never, ever cooked with shrimp.. nor have I ever purchased shrimp that didn't come with Red Lobster cheesy biscuits! Hmmmm... Cheesy biscuits!

Today I left work and I had no idea what I wanted to cook. I had a Sonic burger for lunch and, for some reason, I tasted crab cakes all afternoon. Isn't that weird? It was just a random taste in my mouth! I blame the mint...

Anyway, I was down to one Dr. Pepper (and I'm an addict) and had to stop at Wal-mart so I called my mom and asked her what I wanted for dinner. (This happens more often than it should.) She said she was having potato soup and tuna fish (Okay...) and so I decided I'd buy shrimp. (Random.)

Long story short- I mixed the stuff up and it did not look at all like it did on the box! Maybe it's cause I've never cooked with shrimp that I did something wrong but I don't think I minced any of the directions. It also tasted terrible. The box said nothing about the sauce being curry... it was most definately curry and as much as I love asian food... I very much dislike curry!

You win some and you lose some. I guess now I know, even though I can cook a mean steak, my shrimp skills need some work!

I should have known finding a coupon on the floor was a really bad idea...

3. Make A Call.

So what have been avoiding for weeks at work because I hate it so much? Calling potential clients I don't know! It seriously makes my heart race, my hands sweat and my adrenaline pump! I don't know why I don't like it... it's a completely irrational fear, but calling a stranger scares me to death! But this morning I pulled that little manilla folder labled "Follow-Up" out of my file cabinet, popped it open and started making those calls!

I called client #1. He wasn't very nice so I figured my next call couldn't be that bad... and so then I called client #2 and pretty soon I'd spent most of my morning on the phone! It wasn't near as bad as I thought it would be- I just had to take the leap!

Silly fear? Maybe. But today I conquered it!

2. Make A List...

All day I've thought about what I could possibly do today that might scare me. I watched an episode of Ghost Hunters on Hulu and while that show might scare some people, it didn't scare me... and besides- it's not exactly what I meant when I said I wanted to do something everyday that scared me. I meant that I wanted to push myself outside of the box. I want to push my own boundaries.

And then, tonight as I made dinner, it hit me - making a bucket list scares me. Besides a list or two I made in elementary school I never really made such a list and for a list maker- that's a big deal. I think I've never done it because I'm scared I won't accomplish everything and the thought of letting myself down is terrifying.

So here goes - this is what I'd like to accomplish in my life...

*Have a book published*
I've written a novel and I have storylines for about 14 more in my head. I used to think this was impossible but now having put the first book on paper I see now it's not as daunting as I once though... now I just have to find someone who'll read it and then publish it. I emailed it out to a few friends and so far no one has sent me any feedback. I worked really hard on it so that's kind of disappointing but hopefully someone will read it and love it and I can get this book out there by the end of this year.

*Own a camp and/or resort*
I've said for years that I wanted to own a camp that opened doors for curious kids, but now that I work with a company that emphasizes tourism- I'm beginning to think a resort could be kind of awesome too... Of course, a significant other might have something serious to say about this but who knows where it could go... It could be awesome!

*Run a 5k*
This seems easy for alot of people but 1. I've never liked running and 2. I broke my foot in the summer of '09 making running pretty painful. Hopefully I can make this become a reality. It's going to take some work, but I'll get there.

*Own my own home*
I think this is a pretty realistic goal if I work hard. Renting is getting expensive and I'm getting tired of my white walls! :) I think that even if I don't get married in the next few years- owning a home will still be on my short list. I cannot wait!

*Learn to grill*
The idea of grilling scares the crap out of me! How in the world do you know how hot the grill is and then... how do you caculate how long its going to take to actually cook the meat! And what's even more important... How do tell a steak is medium well without cutting it open? It just seems so hard!

*Back Country Camp for a week*
I resently had my first back country camp experience in which... there were no bathrooms. It wasn't as horrendous as I thought it would be! Now that I know I'm capable I'd like to spend a week in the woods. Rinse off in the lake, cook dinner on a fire. I'd like to sleep in a tent and just enjoy the outdoors. I always thought I would have rather grown up in the outdoors.

*Go cross country in an RV*
How could this not be fun? I want to stop in every town and see their claim to fame! It would be fantastic.... as soon as gas prices go down! Of course, this is one project I will need a man for because I dont think I could actually drive an RV.

*Learn to ballroom dance*
I don't need to be able to win Dancing with the Stars but should someone of the opposite sex offer me his arm in the appropriate setting, I'd love to be able to hold my own on the dance floor... and not trip over my two left feet.

*Learn to play the piano*
I can pick out a song here and there after a year of lessons (9 years ago!) but I ran into problems when it came to putting both hands to use at the same time. I'd love to be able to sit down and play some Dino or Josh Groban whenever the mood stikes. I think that would be really theraputic.

*Have a family*
As I said in a previous post, I'm closer to 30 than 20 now and I'm not getting any younger. For the first time I have a job I can truly see myself in for years and my life is slowly settling into a comfortable pace... unfortunately I don't have anyone to share my life with. I think a husband would be fantastic and who knows... maybe there will be kids... or maybe my dog will get a compainion... or we'll get a fish. But I think it's important that I find that someone who will eat my burnt meatloaf and go get the mail on rainy days.

Wow... that's a pretty short list but other things like backpacking across Europe or swimming with the dolphins just don't inspire me. I feel like my list is simple and I think I like it that way. It took me 3 hours to write it and... it's perfect.

I don't even want to write this paragraph but someone is going to ask why I didn't put anything on here about my art work and why do I not have loftier goals for my creativity... and the truth is- my art just happens and I've found that the second I put goals on it then the goals turn to boundaries... and it just falls to pieces. This process is about making me strong - not putting limitations on how far I can go.

1. I Have A Pink Tool Box.

For a while now I've been toying with the idea of putting shelves in my guest room. Why? Because, put simply, I have two much crap.


Being a young professional sans family I choose to rent an apartment/duplex rather than buy a home. I'm not quite financially ready to own a home so it just makes sense that I pay rent and let someone else mow the yard and fix the dishwasher (which lately has been a thorn in my side but thats a whole other story!)

In being a young professional with a decent job and hopes of owning my own dream home in the near future... and an addiction to thrift stores... not to mention a love of all things creative... I kinda have alot of stuff. I have end tables with no sofa to hug, enough art supplies for a small elementary school and enough purses for a couple of sororities (I'm a girl. I can't help it.)

So my solution was to fill the empty wall in my guest room with shelves. There was nothing there and it seemed like a brilliant idea...

Yesterday I had the day off work so I went to Big Lots (particle board bookcase for $29) and Lowes (plastic shop shelves for $24), cause, Honey, my momma taught me how to comparison shop!

Unfortunately my mother was unavailable to take my call so I discussed my options with my father and after much discussion (his argument was that particle board shelves would last longer...) he talked me into the Big Lots purchase and before I knew it a nice salesmen was loading two huge boxes into the back of my SUV.


This being a "I am woman hear me roar" project I hauled both boxes into my house on my own. Each of them weighed in around 50 pounds. I didn't hurt myself so we'll consider this a small victory. Last night being New Years I left them at the door and figured I'd get around to them sometime today.

This morning while my neighbors slept off their hangovers and my best friend hung out on my couch I got out my pink tool kit and got to work. After only a few minor mishaps I got the first shelf together! It being taller than me (at 6'1'' that's kinda hard) and quite heavy it was a feat to get it out of the living room and into the corner of the guest room but I did it. BY MYSELF!

Then I started on the second shelf... it was great until I started to screw in the last piece and the silly board splintered in my hands. It was quiet frustrating and I wanted to throw it across the room. I wanted so bad to get my house organized today!!!


Luckily the helpful salesman let me know about this companies replacement parts program so I was able to get on ordered pronto and hopefully I'll be able to finish this project in 2-4 business days!


Unfortunately my living room doesnt have much floor space so I had to take the bottom part of the bookcase apart so I'd have room to live until I can get it repaired. Hopefully it wont take long and I can put my furniture all back where it goes!

I don't mind hands-on projects much. I think they are kinda fun- especially when they are about to be crazy useful for me! This one really wasn't so bad and it let me know I can definately do more huge projects like this in the future! Last year I repainted several large piece of furniture but this is the first thing I think I've atually assymbled for myself... I think it's going to turn out quite well! I'll definately post some pictures when it's finished- but for now... this is what you get!

Turns out you've gotta be somewhat flexible to work on these crazy things!

Do One Thing.

I would say that I did a pretty decent job fulfilling last year's New Year's Resolution. 30(ish) books out of 52 is a pretty good number! I promise, I read more than I reviewed but 1) reviewing them felt more like a chore and 2) no one was reading them.

So, I guess it's time to pick something new. I've tried this next project before but I never quiet made it but since it's January 1st (or now in the wee hours of January 2nd) why not start now.

Back when I was in middle school/ early high school this song came out called the Sunscreen song. It was magnificent. If you've never heard it, head on over to your favorite search engine and have a listen. This amazing Baz Luhrmann took an advice column from a newspaper, set it to music and created one of the most thought provoking and true peices of music ever created.

I know about Lady Gaga and Taylor Swift and Rihanna... don't throw rocks at me.

This song was simple and direct and now that I'm closer to 30 than 20 I'm finding it to be incredibly true! I remember certain adults saying some lines were bad like the one referring to the fact some 40-year-olds still haven't figured out what to do with their lives... whats so wrong with that? Some 40-year-olds haven't!

Anyway, I've gotten away from myself. The moral of the story (er...song) is one line that has stuck in my head for the last 14 or so years...

Do one thing everyday that scares you.

It just makes all kinds of adrenaline pulse through my body to even think about that! This will be my goal for 2011. So here goes. We'll number them and see how many things I actually accomplish by December 31st...

26. The Cold, Cold Hand

LAME-O.

Moving On.

I'm a glutton for punishment. I'm going camping very soon. In a haunted place (two different parties swear it). Because my boss is making me. That's the last time I say "I have an idea!" in a staff meeting.

I'm not sure how much I really want to go even though it was my idea... because honesty- what if it's real?!?! I've experienced weird stuff in my life that I and other witnesses have absolutely NO explanation for but never have I gone looking for paranormal trouble.

I had that in the back of my mind when I pulled this book off the shelf (why I'd read scary stories BEFORE I go camping I have no idea) and it's October so it seemed like a good idea.

Actually it wasn't an awful idea because this wasn't scary. At all. Other than the scary cover art that kept me from reading this book for months, only one or two stories gave me the creeps. This could all change tomorrow when I've actually had a chance to sleep on these stories and have adequate nightmares.

If you are into Appalachian history or know much about the area- this book could be cool, but since I have none... It really didn't do anything for me. Sorry Burchhill, Crider and Kendrick. Better luck scaring the pants off me next time.

PS- LOOK I'M HALF WAY TO THE 52 MARK!!! Too bad it's October...

26/52 Books (Currently 13 behind... Oops!)
7048 Pages Read + 1 Mystery Book

25. At First Sight

I say this with clinched teeth and rolling eyes: Nicholas Sparks is a guilty pleasure. But I still hate him. As long as he keeps writing, I'll keep reading but that doesn't mean I have to like it! I'm making it positively clear that just because I liked one book does not mean he's my favorite author. I'm that serious y'all. This is a one time thing.

Okay, you know those books that make you tear up on the final page and you close the book with a smile on your face and with a satisfied feeling in your heart go eat a brownie? This isn't one of those books. I cried. Girl. I CRIED. Deep sobs came out of me. I wasn't expecting that to happen. Who knew I had a heart?!?!

I know I rant all the time about Mr. Sparks' poor sentence structure and his ridiculously cliche story lines (why rehash?) but this book is very different. I didn't see that twist coming by a long shot and by the time it happened- I was so invested in the characters that my heart hurt for them! It really hurt. I felt like I broke up with somebody... or at the very least got snubbed at the Oscars.

This was a good one. It should come with this warning though: Do not read this book if you are pregnant, want to become pregnant, are on on the pill or have a weak heart.

I'm serious about the wanting to become pregnant part. I'm not sure I have the stomach to be pregnant for 9 months knowing what all can go wrong. Ugh... I need to go write about another book now. This one cut me deep.

Oh, and the sentence structure was way better. I felt like I was reading Nicholas Sparks For Grown-ups.

25/52 Books (Currently 14 behind... Oops!)
6857 Pages Read + 1 Mystery Book

24. Shop Girl

"Every party has a pooper that's why we invited you, George Banks! George Banks!"

455 cool points if you can name the movie. 2 more if you can tell me who George Banks is. If you have no idea, you need a serious weekend with some Cherry Garcia ice cream and the Father of the Bride movies. Seriously. Like Dirty Dancing and the Bring It On movies, and A Cinderella Story with Hillary Duff - I can watch Annie Banks get married and her father freak out over and over and over again. Why is this important? Because Steve Martin write books.

What? You didn't know? It's okay. I didn't either- but in my obsessive need to carry out my New Years Resolution (because, well, I never have) I decided to look for the shortest book on my self and it happened to be written by non other than Mr. Martin himself.

So how is he as an author? A little lewd, but it's 2010 and who isn't? But other than that - he's fantastic! He voices something that has been going through my mind over and over these past few weeks - the fact that Men are from Pluto and Women are from Earth.

Martin does an incredible job of dissecting the way the human mind works and the differences between the thought processes of men and women. We've all be then there- a member of the opposite sex tells us one thing and we choose to believe something completely different, all while they firmly believe we see their point exactly like they do. And then the world explodes. It really isn't one gender's fault, or the other's- but it certainly leads to awkward moments and sometimes intense embarrassment. Admit it. You've been there. The only girl who's world is perfect is Barbie's and her arms don't bend.

But what I absolutely love is this: Martin has a keen and honest way of letting us know that no matter how embarrassed or awkward or painful or desperate we are- every chapter ends and new ones begin and ultimately- everything ends up okay - even if life does throw you a few curves and creeps along the way.

This is also a movie. Have you seen it?

24/52 Books (Currently 15 behind... Oops!)
6580 Pages Read + 1 Mystery Book

23. ??????

I started a new job the end of August... I also started a new book during that time and while it was a great read, I cannot remember what the book was, nor what it was about. I had placed it aside with The Secret of the Lonely Grave to review when I had some spare time and it has disappeared off my night stand.

I will keep searching and when it is found- I will review it. I have no doubts it will turn up as soon as I stop searching, but in the mean time- you get a lame post about how I lose stuff and I have A.D.D. which strongly overpowers my O.C.D. and I'm scatterbrained and I can't remember what I read even though it probably was several hundred pages worth.

I wanna say it was about a lake, or a beach, or a vacation... Water? Maybe? It could be it was about a beach house, but there is no telling. Or maybe I just want to go to there. (30 Rock anyone?!?!) For all I know I read about the Ninja Turtles. Leonardo is my favorite by the way... Our names start with the same letter.

23/52 Books (Currently 16 behind... Oops!)
6450 Pages Read + 1 Mystery Book

22. The Secret Of The Lonely Grave

I get it, it's been quite some time since I posted, but I promise- I've been reading! (When I can anyway!) A few weeks back I grabbed a random book off my shelf and to my surprise it was set in Cadiz, Kentucky- a town I drive through when I travel the 90 miles between my current city of residence and my hometown.

I'll admit Cadiz is NOT my favorite place. Reason 1.) He's an ex and he's from there. What better reason do I need? But alas, there is another. Reason 2.) The first and only time (Knock on Wood) I ever got pulled over was right on 68-80. Thanks Mr. Policeman for the warning. I promise, I'll drive 54 through town from now on. Oh, and then there is the pesky problem of rarely having any cell phone service, but that's hardly a reason not to like a city. Is it?

Despite my dislike for the town - I still think there are quaint and adorable aspects to the area- especially as you near Lake Barkley- and I found it pretty cool that an author would pick this touristy little hot spot as the setting for his Civil War-based mystery. The Secret of the Lonely Grave wasn't all that long so it didn't take much time to skip through this cute little novel. In fact, it was incredibly suspenseful, and VERY believable and that made it a fantastic read.

Unlike the Lurlene McDaniel book I reviewed a while back that was very tacky and filled with sexual innuendos, this book would be great for the middle school crowd. I found it so educational that, at 25, I learned things about the Civil War that I didn't know or understand! The author went through great lengths to not only explain the underground railroad but also give a modern voice to those who faced it's horrors.

Having discussed history in depths today with a fellow history buff, I find it not only interesting but essential to keep an eye on the past. How else will we know where we are going if we don't know where we have been?

P.S. The Secrets of the Lonely Grave was written by Albert A. Bell Jr. and looks to be published by a private company, Claystone Books, so you might have to search to find it- but I highly recommend that you do! (It is listed on Amazon!)

22/52 Books (Currently 17 behind... Oops!)
6450 Pages Read.

21. Love In The Time Of Cholera

"Let me stay here" he said "there was soap."

I keep trying to find words worthy of this novel. Rich, handsome, elegant, unrivaled, pure... they don't even begin to scratch the surface. I feel like nothing I say could begin to tell you how this story affected me, how it made me feel.

Many novels I have read this year have had the central theme of love- stories that take modern twists on fairy tales, stories of jilted lovers, crazy love triangles and desperate women fighting to keep their men... this story, so elegantly crafted by Gabriel Garcia Marquez, is unlike any of those I've previously written about. It is the story of a man so in love with a woman he spends his life in preparation for his chance to love her.

Letter exchanged between Florentino and Fermina create a deep connection between the two young people and over the years this connection creates a deep longing that soon turns to love and the promise of marriage, but like so many women throughout history, Fermina believed in a fairy tale. She was looking for a love that was enchanting and when the fairy dust settled and the enchantment faded, she denied the first man she ever truely loved.

The lifetime of pain they feel while they lead their seperate but entertwinced lives is a beautiful tale of true love. It was difficult. It was raw and it was real.

She sees him from afar, but is married to someone else. Her youthful love for him never quite leaving her alone. She sees him in the streets, she feels his presence in Mass, she thinks about him when her marriage feels so far removed from her that she sees herself an outsider looking in. She hates both her husband and Florentino because she loves them both. She wants to be the faithful wife to her husband. She submits to his whims, she lives her life dutifully at his side- yet... something is missing.

Fermina Daza stopped smoking in order not to let go of the hand that was still in hers. She was lost in her longing to understand. She could not conceive of a husband better than hers had been, and yet when she recalled their life she found more difficulties than pleasures, too many mutual misunderstandings, useless arguments, unresolved angers. Suddenly she sighed: "Its incredible how one can be happy for so many years in the midst of so many squabbles, so many problems, damn it, and not really know if it was love or not.

Florentino Azazi spends his nights seeking solace in the beds of other women- finding ways to push Fermina from his mind when her memory burns him at the core. He spends his days fighting for a place in the world- making a name for himself- just so she will notice. Each step he takes is deliberate. Each moment is for her.

And they are both secretly waiting for the moment her husband, who she also cares for deeply passes away... and when he does- fifty-one years, nine months, and four days after Florentino Aziza first declares his love for Fermina Daza- he does so again.

This love story is epic and beautiful and wonderful. I took two weeks to finish it because I honestly didn't want it to end. And at first, I didn't understand the title, but slowly I began to realized the love these two shared infected each other, it infected those around them - each person throughout their lives- each person they touched and made part of their love story. Their love ate at them, it made them feverish, it made them act in a way they never would have acted if the love was not consuming their hearts and minds. Their love was an epidimic- just like cholera.

21/52 Books (Currently 12 behind... Oops!)
6299 Pages Read.

20. The Four Temperaments

A friend and I were recently discussing that when a relationship is forced to an end- there are much worse things than being cheated on. Now, if you've never experienced such things than I hope you never do... but for those of you who have had a betrayal worse than unfaithfulness you know exactly what I'm talking about.

When I picked up The Four Temperaments by Yona Zeldis McDonough recently, I purchased it for one reason: The plot called for a mother's extreme measures to retaliate against the unfaithful behavior of both her husband and her son... with the same woman. Whether or not its a classy thing to admit- sometimes it just feels good to see people get what is coming to them. The teaser didn't tell me whether or not the revenge was against one of the men in her life, or the girl they'd managed to fall for but I thought maybe she kidnapped the woman, or maybe even killed her...

Turns out this book was way better than the twisted plot of a modern day soap opera... only it wasn't that dramatic. There were very few tense moments when a spouse lingers out side a door while sins are taking place on the other side. There were no moments when parties fear they may be found out. There was no insane climactic moment when all involved realize what is going on- instead this story was very... real.

This story didn't just center around the cheating and the nasty details of who said and did what, instead it very thoroughly explored what I was talking about earlier- that betrayal that is worse than cheating... that feeling that your family is falling apart at the hand of someone else and everything you've ever done in your life is truly in vain.

It felt as if I was talking to a friend who was experiencing this horrible twist of fate... only her husband and her son were confiding in me also, as was her daughter-in-law and the mistress! All five subjects faced and handled the infidelity differently and throughout the entire book I kept trying to place the blame... yes the father seems rational because he was the one who first brought the woman into his home- but he was just being nice and offering a new co-worker a hot meal with his family. The son also seems logical to hate and distrust because he knowingly and willingly cheated on his wife in his parent's home. Penelope, the daughter-in-law also offers incredibly undesirable qualities that leave you angry and frustrated but then there is that underlying sadness you feel for her as well, learning about her past and then the moment she realizes she is going to change and win her husband back. And you certainly want to hate the mistress.... but I could NEVER bring myself to dislike her. Yes, she knew full and well what she was doing. Yes she understood the complications and the implications of her actions..and she still never stopped. However, I did sense this insane longing to belong, this feeling you learn she's had since childhood to understand why she is the way she is and this need to fill a hole she isn't even sure exists in her heart.

This book offered a glimpse into the unfortunate world of cheating in a way that I'd never thought of before- in most cases- everyone plays their parts. They offer reasons to be distrusted or disliked or allow themselves to become pawns in a game. While I don't believe everyone woman is guilty of such things- I know in my case I believed what I wanted to believed and now looking back, it doesn't shock me one bit that it happened. I can't blame him any more than I can blame myself.

I think this novel is certainly one worth reading - not only is the storyline intricate and beautiful but the setting of the New York Ballet offers an even more delicate and dangerous undertone to this story. You guys remember that movie Center Stage that came out several years ago? This story, in a way, made me remember the simplicity and the air of mystery that film produced. (Don't make fun of me, yes it was a low budget flick... but its still one of my favorites!)

This is a novel you should add to your list!


20/52 Books (Currently 11 behind... Oops!)
5951 Pages Read.

19. My Secret Boyfriend

Who doesn't love a little trip down memory lane? Today during a trip to a local book store (read my last post) I came across a book by Lurlene McDaniel. No joke, I seriously think I read every one of her books that I could get my hands on in middle school. If you don't remember who she is- this might help; EVERY book I ever read by her centered around a teenager with a medical issue. Some of the main characters had debilitating illnesses while other stories focused on families that were dealing with a terminal illness or the loss of a loved one. They sound incredibly depressing but I assure you they were not! Unlike other books that were popular during that time: Baby sitters club, Saddle Club etc... they focused on the fact that life isn't always perfect and doesn't always turn out like you want. I think her books taught me some valuable lessons during my early teen years.

I came across this book My Secret Boyfriend while my friend Mark and I were discussing the fact that the Twilight series and other popular books are way too mature for the age groups reading them. It really bothers me that the themes of these and other novels are so sexual in content and the authors, readers and reviewers are so nonchalant about it. Little kids are reading these things and getting who knows what ideas in their heads! During this conversation my eyes landed on this McDaniel novel and I scooped it off the shelf. "These books are good." I told him "Nothing wrong here!" I wanted to enjoy a little book while I was sipping my coffee, and since this one was over 100 pages I considered it fair game to add to my blog, so I jumped in.

Boy, have my tastes in literature changed in the last decade! First of all, this book was about a girl in the 8th grade... and while it was spot on for 8th grade drama it was still shocking to realize how silly we all were back then! Basically the gist of the story is this: A girl comes back to school after summer vacation to find everyone has boyfriends except for her, so she lies and says she has one too. She uses a picture of a boy her mom knows as proof of his existence... but ironically his parents divorce and he and his mother move in with the girl's family while they get back on their feet. Not only does she have to keep the lie of their relationship from him, but she must also deal with the fact she really doesn't like him all that much. Cute premise right?

It was an interesting story with all the right characters: the supportive best friend, the annoying little brother and the gossiping boyfriend stealer.... but this book had something that shocked the socks off me. It was something that I was certainly wasn't expecting.... Brace yourselves Lurlene McDaniel lovers, mothers of 'tweens and people who want to protect your children from the likes of Twilight and all things mature: This book was BRIMMING with sexual innuendos! On several occasions I stopped and made Mark read what I'd just read as proof that I wasn't going crazy. Were these innuendos in her writing all along? Was I just too naive to notice? What happened to the feel good stories that filled my life in middle school and made me feel like the world was going to be alright??!?! What is the world coming to?!?!?!

Lurlene McDaniel, I am shocked at your behavior! Here I was defending you and saying how much better your books were for young people today and here you go and disappoint me! I'm totally bummed! This was like the day I found out Ann M. Martin was just a name given to all the people who actually wrote for Baby Sitter's Club. I feel robbed of my childhood.

You're going to go reread all her books now aren't you?

19/52 Books (Currently 11 behind... Oops!)
5644 Pages Read.

A Lazy Saturday...

Apparently my town has a really awesome book store that I knew nothing about! Okay, I lied, I did know about it because the owners of this bookstore fly planes over the local college campus every semester to advertise their text book selection. There is also a huge semi truck south of town with their name on the side. (There are also ads in the local paper and groups dedicated to the place on everyone's favorite social networking site.) So, I knew this place existed but I'd never been to the University Book & Bean until today.

My friend Mark and I met up to enjoy our caffeine enriched beverages and talk about life and literature. Mark won't mind me saying this but I cannot tell you how great it felt to simply have a nerd day! First we started talking to the barista about Jodi Picoult- my favorite author. Turns out the paperback version of her latest book House Rules comes out on November 9th! That is exactly one day after this girl's 26th birthday and if I don't receive a copy I will be incredibly disappointed. We then did a tour of the shelving and compared notes on other authors we did and did not enjoy.

Several books stopped us in our tracks and led to some pretty in depth discussions:
The first shocker was The Idiots Guide To Adoption. Really, America? Really? First of all: If you are an idiot, please do not adopt a baby. They already probably had idiot parents and you are not doing them a service. Secondly, if you seek out the Idiot's Guide versus the counsel of a legally trained professional you should probably be adopting a dog instead of a kid. It just seems completely wrong and weird and creepy that this book even exists, much less that anyone buys it. This book literally made us have a ridiculously long laugh at the insanity of it all. It just doesn't make much sense.

After we got over the shock of the Idiot's Guide we notice another horrible theme lurking on the bookshelves... many, many books began to pop up that make it seem as though women need to sell themselves short to achieve happiness in this life. We talked about this for hours- and it was nice to have a guys's perspective AND backing on the issue: Women really do think they have to change themselves for love and fulfillment and popular authors are doing nothing to stop this nasty, negative trend. Check out these ridiculous books:

The Man Plan. This one said that women need to change the way they dress, smell, sit, act, etc... to appeal to a man's senses. The inside cover clearly stated that the smallest things- down to what kind of movies you like and what kind of sheets you prefer really could be what is keeping men from dating you. What happened to being yourself and having common interests with a guy? Why do girls need to change every little detail about their lives so that someone will love them. Why can't you just like what you like and hop you find someone who likes the same things? Now, I'm not the greatest authority on this subject due to my current relationship status but I do know that the happiest I've ever been in relationships is what I was free to be myself and those are the relationships that ended on fantastic terms. I did not feel like I needed months to find myself again. I did not regret things during those relationships and I was quickly able to discover the things that went wrong and the lessons learned. I can't tell you how bad this book and it's message grated on my nerves- hence the thumbs down. Bad book. VERY bad book indeed.

The next book was even worse. Can you read that title? Marry Him: The CASE for Settling For Mr. Good Enough. ARE THEY FREAKING SERIOUS!?!?! This book left me seething mad. I have dated plenty of "Mr. Good Enoughs" and I thank God every day that I had enough sense to not marry one of them. Why must women settle just because they are lonely? Why is being alone considered worse than marrying someone just because they like you, make a decent living and meet your basic needs? Call me a hopeless romantic but I believe everyone can have phenomenal love if they hold out for it. Why make yourself miserable with mediocrity just because it's easier?!?! Don't worry, you'll never hear an actual review from me of it's actual contents contents- the back was enough to make me sick to my stomach and I absolutely won't be reading it.

The third book that really irked me was this one: Committed by Elizabeth Gibert. If you think her name sounds familiar it is because she's the author of that book everyone is freaking out about called Eat, Pray, Love... a book that I absolutely abhor. I read it during a very difficult time in my life and according to everyone who recommended it- I should have found a greater sense of self, I should have been stronger and happier in my decisions. I should have loved it. Truth is- Elizabeth Gilbert learned absolutely nothing in her first book and her second left me shaking my head in disbelief. See the tag line? It says "A skeptic makes peace with marriage" Let me tell you the truth about this book: inside the front cover this book clearly tells of how the author ONLY married her husband because the U.S. Government told her she had to or he was being deported and how they spent MONTHS in southeast Asia trying to decide if they wanted to or not... but for the sake of their relationship and their ties to America they chose to do so. After reading the dust jacket I found so many things wrong with this book I had to put it down and walk away.

***SPOILER ALERT: IF YOU INTEND TO READ EAT, PRAY, LOVE DO NOT READ THE FOLLOWING PARAGRAPH***

In the end of her first book Elizabeth Gilbert, who had previously said she was going to be celibate in the year following her divorce and spend time finding herself again, ends up in bed with basically the first guy who pays her any attention. I found this cruely disgusting. After all the truly beautiful growth she'd gone through in the beginning I really felt like she just caved the second a guy told her she was pretty. I felt so sad for her and totally disappointed in the outcome... and here in her second book, she tells America that she committed to the sanctity of marriage again out of sheer necessity... if she'd not married the guy- he couldn't continue to reside with her in her country... Why are all these authors teaching girls to settle? If you love someone- marry them and write a book about that... but don't marry someone out of spite for the government, clearly declare it on a dust jacket and call it a rebuttal for what you said in your first book.

These books that I saw today are really just a sampling of what's out there and I admit- I am a girl who purchased her fair share of self help books once upon a time but here's the truth: We don't need them. Girls should truly be who they are and not feel the need to change for anyone. Where are the books for girls who want to be strong and funny and quirky and themselves? Why do authors feel the need to buy into the insecurities of women? Basically it comes down to the bottom dollar and the knowledge that women will pay someone to tell them whats wrong with their lives and how to fix instead of doing just open and honest soul searching and taking action themselves. (Like I said- I'll be the first one to stand up at a meeting and say that I got caught up in these books once upon a time too but I'll tell you, Ladies, they do nothing but make you feel bad about yourself when you don't reach the author's goals in the end. Does the author know you and your circumstances? No. Don't take it so personally when you don't have the same outcome as someone else!) I just wish it wasn't this way. I wish more women felt comfortable in their own skin and could see they are beautiful. I pray that my own daughters (if I ever have any) can see that it's not necessary to change who they are to be loved... and I hope any future sons learn to appreciate the women in their lives for why they are.

What a rant that was... I think I've had to much caffiene today! Man, I think I might be coming across as a bitter Betty, but I think if you consider what I've said- you'll see it to be true. And today wasn't all bad...

The comic relief came in the form of Steve Harvey. While I read through a silly teen novel from the lovely Lurlene McDaniel (yes, a review is coming soon!), Mark skimmed through Harvey's Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man... and after all the crap we flipped through on the shelves, it was the most real thing I heard all day. I don't know if I'll actually read that book this year- but more than once Mark chuckled to himself and then turned to me and repeated a line about female behavior that made us both crack up. He had it pretty point on... turns out ladies try too hard (DUH!) and tend to go a little overboard (Ya think!?!?) and women really should just be themselves (Haven't I been saying this all along?!?!). Like I said earlier, it was really interesting to get a male perspective on the ladies in their lives and their (sometimes completely ridiculously insane and irratic) behavior and then it was super validating to have Mr. Harvey himself back up everything we'd discussed!

All in all it was a wonderful way to spend my lazy Saturday... even if I did get a little more than worked up. Now that I know this little gem of a store exists, I will definately be going back and hope to have many more open discussions about popular literature. Does your town have a local book shop or a library you can spend some time in? Take your friends, grab some books and discuss! I highly recommend it!

Don't forget to look for the highly rediculous ironies in literature. Also seen today: The biographies of Cleopatra and Miley Cyrus resting side by side... I'm sure Cleopatra loves that!!!

18. A Girl and Her Money

We spend money we don't have
to buy things we don't need
to impress people we don't even like.
-m.scott page

My name is Lindsey and I am a shopoholic. Granted, I do not drop thousands in one day, and I don't even have a credit card - I still find myself grabbing that cute yellow purse and tossing it up on the counter to be paid for just because I've always wanted one... It's a sad condition really- loving things and buying things and then having a closet full of things that you wear only once or twice and then trade off with your mom cause you decide you like her things better and she yours... and then after a year or two said things end up in a yard sale for a fraction of what you paid for them because you just never used that thing you just had to have... We're women. It's a curse.

Sharon Durling- the author of A Girl and Her Money, says that unwisely wanting things and getting them happened the second Eve ate the fruit and realized she needed new clothes... and we've been working to shop ever since. We've buried ourselves so deeply in debt that we can't possibly imagine pulling ourselves out. It's so frustrating.

My main problem isn't exactly shopping its the fact that I don't spend the extra money I have wisely. It's hard to pay all my bills and then not treat myself with what is left in the bank. I can justify anything (just ask my parents!) and spending that little extra money doesn't seem so bad when I REALLY need a new pair of jeans or must have new mascara.

This was the perfect book for me to read right now because I've been taking some time to sort out my finances. I recently came to the realization that I'm not promised a spouse. I'm not always promised a job. I'm not guarenteed any extra income and I'm certainly not sure I'll be given retirement compensation (RETIREMENT!!??!?! I'M ONLY 25!!!!) But it's up to me to sort all this out and prepare for the future that I can't see.

Last summer I broke my foot and had no insurance. I'm still paying those bills and will be for quite some time.. then I got h1n1 and had to pay out of pocket plus lose 8 days wages.. It cost me nearly $500 to lay on the couch for a week. Not knowing the future can take a serious bite of out what little money I have so I think it's a wise choice to go ahead and start scraping together those few extra cents I have every month.

However, the author clearly defines that financial freedom is freedom from money, not freedom to spend money like a mad man just cause you have it. I want to be in a place where I can enjoy lifes little perks because I know I have it saved away and can allow myself to have a few fun things here and there- not spend with wreckless abandon because I've got plenty and I won't miss a few dollars- and can always make more later.

The idea of a retirement plan sounds scary now, but what about the other stuff I clearly need to be focusing on- I don't want to rent forever. I want a house that is all mine that I can nail countless holes in the wall or paint fun colors. I want a deck I can grill on without my neighbors standing three feet away. I want to not be worried about the car blocking mine when I leave my drive in the mornings. I very much want a house! But for now- I've got to figure out a way to lower my rent. My lease is not up until February but I have every intention of finding some place that is more economically feasible (hopefully with no other homes attatched to it.) and start saving the hundred or even 50 bucks I get to keep every month.

I've also taken up couponing lately. It's not the easiest thing to do and sometimes I have to pay full price for an item- but I've gotten much better about which brands I buy and watching for sales. Its saved me quite a bit lately and hopefully I'll only get better at it- I want to be a pro by the time I have more than one mouth to feed! My friend Laura is a genius at couponing and knows how to stock pile and have reserves of items... I hope to get to that point sooner rather than later.

I'm by no means Dave Ramsey, I think Ms. Durling made quite an impact on me. Her approach to this subject matter was head on: Men are from Home Depot and Women are from Macy's! We have these desires and a need to keep up with the Joneses and we spend before we think. It's a universal problem and we and our bank accounts and our future selves are suffering for it.

If you need a boost to start looking at your money differently- I'd definitely recommend this book. It's light and airy with alot of bibilical references to show that this isn't a new issue. People have been gaining and losing fortunes for thousands of years and even though we can't take our wealth with us to heaven- God gives it to us to manage wisely. Check this one out! It gets 5 stars from me.


18/52 Books (Currently 10 behind... Oops!)
5519 Pages Read.

17. Between, Georgia

"Do what you feel in your heart to be right-
for you'll be criticized anyway.
You'll be damned if you do,
and damned if you don't."
Eleanor Roosevelt

I came across this quote earlier in the week and it's odd how it's come into play more than once. I've been feeling a little frustrated lately. It seems no matter what I say or do or how I try to smooth over a particular situation- I'm going to lose a friend anyway... which sucks because I don't know what happened in the first place- many months ago - to make this friend angry. For the life of me I can't figure out where things went wrong and how we ended up at odds with one another... it seems like this has been festering for a long time and came to a head at a very inopportune time for both of us.

I don't like unresolved spats. If you've been around me for much time at all- you know I'm a talker. I like to sit down and talk to the person, hash out any outstanding issues. I like to figure out what we can do to work together to find a resolution.

Years ago I had my heart broken by someone who is now my best friend. I know that sounds completely weird- but it's not. He loved me.. just not in the capacity I wanted him to. Just a few days after his honesty, and my broken heart, he came to my apartment and sat opposite from me and told me that he'd do what he could as my friend to keep me in his life. I think that's true friendship and since that day I've not taken him for granted and I try to use that same attitude in fixing problems I have in other relationships. I feel icky and sad until I do.

I think this is why I could not put down this novel. It was shocking how the feelings of the lead character, Nonny Frett, mimicked my own recent emotions so closely. I desperately wanted a clean ending for her. I had to see her through.

Nonny comes from the tiny little town of Between, Georgia. Nonny is birthed by a Crabtree- a member of the most redneck and backward family in the area, but is quickly stolen and then raised by the Fretts- a family of wealth and religion. Her whole life a battle for her love causes the townspeople to bicker and stir up an all out war.

Nonny's "Damned if you do, Damned if you don't" attitude will almost break your heart. She can't take sides. She can't smooth over one family, for the other getting their feathers ruffled. She can't make decisions because someone will find fault with them and blame the other side's cursed family bloodlines. Every action has an equal and opposite reaction in her world. She's trapped in the constant struggle between two families who want her to pick them.

This is almost painful to read because she is trying to start her life over. She has a husband who's always got one foot out the door and a young family member who looks to her like a mother. She also has her own mother, who has lost both her hearing and sight and depends on Nonny to communicate to her all that is going on in the world. She has her own issues to work out and cannot due to the overwhelming emotions of those around her.

I have this buddy, we'll call him MB, who likes good lit as much as I do... maybe even more. His picks are pretty deep and often make me feel a little dizzy but even so, I recommended this book to him... that probably doesn't mean anything to you but it should... GO GET A COPY!


17/52 Books (Currently 11 behind... Oops!)
5353 Pages Read.

16. The Measure of a Lady

I will, without a doubt, read this book again and again. It was so simple and pure and heartfelt that I had trouble putting it down. Even weeks after reading it (read post #14) I can't help but feel that there is so much I missed- so much I can gain from reading this novel again. I don't know if I have any other books by Deeanne Gist but I will scour my shelves and possibly scour the book store to find more!

Set in San Francisco in 1849 The Measure of a Lady is the tale of Rachel Van Buren, a young woman who travels to California with her father and younger siblings with the hope of finding wealth during the great gold rush. During the journey Rachel's father passes away, leaving her to care for her brother and sister and make a life for them in a muddy, male dominated city. Finding adequate housing is the least of her worries as she must protect the innocence of her 15 year old sister in a city where the only other women are prostitutes and teach her brother an honest trade where gambling is the norm, all while she maintains the decorum of a proper lady.

This story was a breath of fresh air in a time where literature tends to thrive on a juicy sex scene or be dominated by love triangles (I know I've said I like a good love triangle in my books... but sometimes ya just need a good honest love story!) Rachel's tale really made me think about the things that our society doesn't focus on - how beauty isn't in sexy clothes or in a provocative pout, but rather in the subtle ways a woman can show her femininity without being blatenly obvious... Unfortunately for Rachel- she ends up taking her convictions and her demands a little too far and ends up in a world of hurt.

I felt a closeness with Rachel- who hasn't thought that their way was so right only to be knocked down a notch or two? I greatly indentified with her character and felt so horrible for her the second I realized what road she was headed down. I can't wait to go back and reread this story and look for signs I might have missed before- things that might have changed the outcome. I want to warn her!

I won't tell you the ending... I never do... but I will say that this is a story you should read. I don't know where this book came from or where to buy it (although I think this might be something that came from the christian book store) but you should get a copy. It will remind you of all the things that are unique and amazing about being female! (If you're a female reading this of course!)


16/52 Books (Currently 11 behind... Oops!)
5059 Pages Read.

15. Lucky Stars

I don't even want to think about how far behind I am. I'm almost frightened to check. So much has happened since I last wrote and honestly, I think it's because reading makes me go inside myself for a while and for quite a few weeks now I've been avoiding just that. Going inside myself meant dealing with some things that I wasn't quite ready to deal with but I'm back. In the course of this vacation from blogging I have managed to read two books (which in all honesty, I read weeks ago on the same day so I'm not as fantastic as I'd like you to believe.) but even so, I guess I'm not an entirely hopeless cause.

I will also say in my defense that a few weeks ago I attempted to give a review but my computer had a stupid moment and deleted everything I'd said. It did not make me happy, in fact- My computer crashed for about twenty four hours and left me with a feeling that bordered on a panic attack. Crisis averted- I found out how to upload firefox in safe mode and I saved the day. No male hero needed... which is freaking fantastic if you ask me considering I do not have a technology savvy bone in my body.

On to the task at hand- a book review.

Lucky Stars was a good book. It wasn't fantastic and it wasn't mind blowing and it didn't leave me aching for more but it was good. It did make me think a little bit though about roles we play in our lives and how we react to those roles and the roles of those around us changing. In this novel Jane Heller presents a very interesting plot twist: What if you and your mother switched places. What if you had an insane dream and you wanted it to come true so badly you could taste it... but in an odd twist of fate it came true for your mom?

I think I'd be jealous... at least that's my first thought. It really does irk me when someone gets what I want. It bugs me. It pisses me off. I think if I wanted to be a movie star like Stacey and suddenly my mother was thrust into the spotlight it would really hurt me. But then I thought about it- as an American twenty-something I have it made and my mom loves me more than I'll ever know so I think if something amazing happened to my mother- I wouldn't be jealous at all. I'd be 100% supportive. I'd be so happy and proud of my momma and I'd let the whole world know about her success- afterall, she's done that for me for years.

Back to the situation I mentioned early in this post... the one where I said I didn't want to go within myself and deal with things... Ya see... there was this boy... and now there's not. That's all you really need to know. You can figure out the rest on your own but you know what? The second my mom realized how hurt I was, she packed a suit case (And some pizza, bless her heart!) and drove an hour and a half to spend the night with me. She put up with having to share the lone bed in my apartment (a bed that she says is entirely too hard). She even put up with me when I couldn't sleep and tossed and turned for hours (She fed me a sleeping pill) and THEN she put up with me when in my sleeping pill induced slumber I had a dream about the boy who shall not be named and starting hitting her... (Sorry Mom!) But even so- My mom did that for me. I'm 25 (I mean twenty-something) And I should not be needing my mom to come get me out of situations or just be there for me when I'm upset but sometimes I do. Sometimes I need my mom and she's there for me. I have the best mom in the world so if my mother became the face of the number one tuna fish manufacturer in the world- you better believe I'd tivo all her commercials!

It's a cute book. You should read it.

15/52 Books (Currently 12 behind... Oops!)
4745 Pages Read.