First I must start by saying- I'm not a suicidal person. I never have been and Lord willing I'll never feel like I should go down that road but it's not secret that I've had a few battles with depression in my life. This admission might cause you to shudder away from the screen, skim the rest of this review and maybe feel a little bit embarrassed for me. Don't. In our society depression is a taboo subject. I don't believe in taboo subject. I believe in self education. I believe in honest discussions. I believe in exploring your feelings and making yourself a better person. I don't believe in hiding the truth because it might make others feel uncomfortable. Like I said in a previous blog entry- if you feel that you are not mature enough to handle a discussion on this subject matter- this book and particular entry may not be for you.
I'll start this particular entry by answering one question: Why was I depressed? Simple stuff really, much like Craig, the lead character in It's Kind of a Funny Story. Craig had worked so hard to be admitted to a prestigious high school and once he got there he began to panic - the work was tough, there was no room for failure. He panicked about the same things I did during my freshman year of college. Craig became obsessed with his depression and became dependent on Zoloft. In all honesty, I took Zoloft for a while too but found my depression was better managed in other ways (Plus I gained weight like crazy on that particular drug- it was hard enough already being sad and frustrated- I didn't like curvier curves on top of that!) No harm in admitting one needs help occasionally. Some people need a little caffeine to get through the day, some people need something a little bit stronger. Over the past few years I've done a pretty good job of maintaining my mental health with a few setbacks: The death of a very close friend due to tragic circumstances left me reeling; a little later there was the situation with a peeping tom I felt I had to hide from my family and close friends; then... more recently, self inflicted unemployment and shift in personal goals made me completely question everything in my life. When I read this book-I was feeling pretty sorry for myself that I couldn't find the type of employment I craved. It took me a few days, some intense exercise and a few friends who helped me figure some things out. (Thanks guys) It also helped to read about someone who overcame his much more brutal battle. Craig, in spite of his pharmaceutical help, became consumed by his condition. He became obsessed with the things and series of things that caused him to feel like he was losing control. He could no longer eat. He could no longer function during the day and one night he decided he had two options: He could commit suicide or call a suicide hot-line. Thankfully he chose the latter.
Ned Vizzini created an amazing story, based on his own personal battle, when he created this intricate web of truth, struggles and human emotions. This novel, however, has one tragic flaw- it's too good. How many depressed teenagers have parents willing to drop money the second their child asks to speak to a therapist? How many would even THINK their child might be depressed unless the child came out and admitted it? How many parents would try to blame the child "well if you hadn't..." or make matters worse "If you'd just try harder..."? How many teenagers, when their friend ends up in a psychiatric ward would admit to their own depression and even come visit their ailing friend? The truth is- this book is FANTASTIC but it's a little sugar coated. These things don't happen. In our day and age those suffering from depression, or equally taboo conditions, are made to feel like outcasts. Here's the truth though: EVERYONE HAS BAD DAYS! Everyone struggles at some point in their life. If you go through life pooping rainbows and sounding like a fairy princess from a Disney movie- chances are... well no chances: You're fake and you're hiding something and I feel sorry for you. Be true to yourself. Why do we make people feel bad for feeling bad? Why do we need people to be happy for our own sakes? There is something refreshingly beautiful about people who admit how they feel and deal with it.
This is the deal among my friends: This week I'm going to call you crying, you'll help me see that things really aren't so bad and then next week, when you call me in tears- I'll do the same for you. It is such a gift to be able to be there for my friends and know that when I need them, they won't judge me or ask questions, they'll just help me see the silver lining.
I guess this review was not so much a review and more a social commentary, but this book really made me think and made me really understand the need to be open about everything in my life, the awesome stuff and struggles alike. If you or someone you know suffers from depression- take a look at this novel. It truly does explore what goes on in the mind of someone who's struggling and maybe gives a little hope for those who need to see a happy ending.
Pick it up. It's a good one.
11/52 Books (Currently 6 behind... Oops!)
3463 Pages Read.
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