19. My Secret Boyfriend

Who doesn't love a little trip down memory lane? Today during a trip to a local book store (read my last post) I came across a book by Lurlene McDaniel. No joke, I seriously think I read every one of her books that I could get my hands on in middle school. If you don't remember who she is- this might help; EVERY book I ever read by her centered around a teenager with a medical issue. Some of the main characters had debilitating illnesses while other stories focused on families that were dealing with a terminal illness or the loss of a loved one. They sound incredibly depressing but I assure you they were not! Unlike other books that were popular during that time: Baby sitters club, Saddle Club etc... they focused on the fact that life isn't always perfect and doesn't always turn out like you want. I think her books taught me some valuable lessons during my early teen years.

I came across this book My Secret Boyfriend while my friend Mark and I were discussing the fact that the Twilight series and other popular books are way too mature for the age groups reading them. It really bothers me that the themes of these and other novels are so sexual in content and the authors, readers and reviewers are so nonchalant about it. Little kids are reading these things and getting who knows what ideas in their heads! During this conversation my eyes landed on this McDaniel novel and I scooped it off the shelf. "These books are good." I told him "Nothing wrong here!" I wanted to enjoy a little book while I was sipping my coffee, and since this one was over 100 pages I considered it fair game to add to my blog, so I jumped in.

Boy, have my tastes in literature changed in the last decade! First of all, this book was about a girl in the 8th grade... and while it was spot on for 8th grade drama it was still shocking to realize how silly we all were back then! Basically the gist of the story is this: A girl comes back to school after summer vacation to find everyone has boyfriends except for her, so she lies and says she has one too. She uses a picture of a boy her mom knows as proof of his existence... but ironically his parents divorce and he and his mother move in with the girl's family while they get back on their feet. Not only does she have to keep the lie of their relationship from him, but she must also deal with the fact she really doesn't like him all that much. Cute premise right?

It was an interesting story with all the right characters: the supportive best friend, the annoying little brother and the gossiping boyfriend stealer.... but this book had something that shocked the socks off me. It was something that I was certainly wasn't expecting.... Brace yourselves Lurlene McDaniel lovers, mothers of 'tweens and people who want to protect your children from the likes of Twilight and all things mature: This book was BRIMMING with sexual innuendos! On several occasions I stopped and made Mark read what I'd just read as proof that I wasn't going crazy. Were these innuendos in her writing all along? Was I just too naive to notice? What happened to the feel good stories that filled my life in middle school and made me feel like the world was going to be alright??!?! What is the world coming to?!?!?!

Lurlene McDaniel, I am shocked at your behavior! Here I was defending you and saying how much better your books were for young people today and here you go and disappoint me! I'm totally bummed! This was like the day I found out Ann M. Martin was just a name given to all the people who actually wrote for Baby Sitter's Club. I feel robbed of my childhood.

You're going to go reread all her books now aren't you?

19/52 Books (Currently 11 behind... Oops!)
5644 Pages Read.

A Lazy Saturday...

Apparently my town has a really awesome book store that I knew nothing about! Okay, I lied, I did know about it because the owners of this bookstore fly planes over the local college campus every semester to advertise their text book selection. There is also a huge semi truck south of town with their name on the side. (There are also ads in the local paper and groups dedicated to the place on everyone's favorite social networking site.) So, I knew this place existed but I'd never been to the University Book & Bean until today.

My friend Mark and I met up to enjoy our caffeine enriched beverages and talk about life and literature. Mark won't mind me saying this but I cannot tell you how great it felt to simply have a nerd day! First we started talking to the barista about Jodi Picoult- my favorite author. Turns out the paperback version of her latest book House Rules comes out on November 9th! That is exactly one day after this girl's 26th birthday and if I don't receive a copy I will be incredibly disappointed. We then did a tour of the shelving and compared notes on other authors we did and did not enjoy.

Several books stopped us in our tracks and led to some pretty in depth discussions:
The first shocker was The Idiots Guide To Adoption. Really, America? Really? First of all: If you are an idiot, please do not adopt a baby. They already probably had idiot parents and you are not doing them a service. Secondly, if you seek out the Idiot's Guide versus the counsel of a legally trained professional you should probably be adopting a dog instead of a kid. It just seems completely wrong and weird and creepy that this book even exists, much less that anyone buys it. This book literally made us have a ridiculously long laugh at the insanity of it all. It just doesn't make much sense.

After we got over the shock of the Idiot's Guide we notice another horrible theme lurking on the bookshelves... many, many books began to pop up that make it seem as though women need to sell themselves short to achieve happiness in this life. We talked about this for hours- and it was nice to have a guys's perspective AND backing on the issue: Women really do think they have to change themselves for love and fulfillment and popular authors are doing nothing to stop this nasty, negative trend. Check out these ridiculous books:

The Man Plan. This one said that women need to change the way they dress, smell, sit, act, etc... to appeal to a man's senses. The inside cover clearly stated that the smallest things- down to what kind of movies you like and what kind of sheets you prefer really could be what is keeping men from dating you. What happened to being yourself and having common interests with a guy? Why do girls need to change every little detail about their lives so that someone will love them. Why can't you just like what you like and hop you find someone who likes the same things? Now, I'm not the greatest authority on this subject due to my current relationship status but I do know that the happiest I've ever been in relationships is what I was free to be myself and those are the relationships that ended on fantastic terms. I did not feel like I needed months to find myself again. I did not regret things during those relationships and I was quickly able to discover the things that went wrong and the lessons learned. I can't tell you how bad this book and it's message grated on my nerves- hence the thumbs down. Bad book. VERY bad book indeed.

The next book was even worse. Can you read that title? Marry Him: The CASE for Settling For Mr. Good Enough. ARE THEY FREAKING SERIOUS!?!?! This book left me seething mad. I have dated plenty of "Mr. Good Enoughs" and I thank God every day that I had enough sense to not marry one of them. Why must women settle just because they are lonely? Why is being alone considered worse than marrying someone just because they like you, make a decent living and meet your basic needs? Call me a hopeless romantic but I believe everyone can have phenomenal love if they hold out for it. Why make yourself miserable with mediocrity just because it's easier?!?! Don't worry, you'll never hear an actual review from me of it's actual contents contents- the back was enough to make me sick to my stomach and I absolutely won't be reading it.

The third book that really irked me was this one: Committed by Elizabeth Gibert. If you think her name sounds familiar it is because she's the author of that book everyone is freaking out about called Eat, Pray, Love... a book that I absolutely abhor. I read it during a very difficult time in my life and according to everyone who recommended it- I should have found a greater sense of self, I should have been stronger and happier in my decisions. I should have loved it. Truth is- Elizabeth Gilbert learned absolutely nothing in her first book and her second left me shaking my head in disbelief. See the tag line? It says "A skeptic makes peace with marriage" Let me tell you the truth about this book: inside the front cover this book clearly tells of how the author ONLY married her husband because the U.S. Government told her she had to or he was being deported and how they spent MONTHS in southeast Asia trying to decide if they wanted to or not... but for the sake of their relationship and their ties to America they chose to do so. After reading the dust jacket I found so many things wrong with this book I had to put it down and walk away.

***SPOILER ALERT: IF YOU INTEND TO READ EAT, PRAY, LOVE DO NOT READ THE FOLLOWING PARAGRAPH***

In the end of her first book Elizabeth Gilbert, who had previously said she was going to be celibate in the year following her divorce and spend time finding herself again, ends up in bed with basically the first guy who pays her any attention. I found this cruely disgusting. After all the truly beautiful growth she'd gone through in the beginning I really felt like she just caved the second a guy told her she was pretty. I felt so sad for her and totally disappointed in the outcome... and here in her second book, she tells America that she committed to the sanctity of marriage again out of sheer necessity... if she'd not married the guy- he couldn't continue to reside with her in her country... Why are all these authors teaching girls to settle? If you love someone- marry them and write a book about that... but don't marry someone out of spite for the government, clearly declare it on a dust jacket and call it a rebuttal for what you said in your first book.

These books that I saw today are really just a sampling of what's out there and I admit- I am a girl who purchased her fair share of self help books once upon a time but here's the truth: We don't need them. Girls should truly be who they are and not feel the need to change for anyone. Where are the books for girls who want to be strong and funny and quirky and themselves? Why do authors feel the need to buy into the insecurities of women? Basically it comes down to the bottom dollar and the knowledge that women will pay someone to tell them whats wrong with their lives and how to fix instead of doing just open and honest soul searching and taking action themselves. (Like I said- I'll be the first one to stand up at a meeting and say that I got caught up in these books once upon a time too but I'll tell you, Ladies, they do nothing but make you feel bad about yourself when you don't reach the author's goals in the end. Does the author know you and your circumstances? No. Don't take it so personally when you don't have the same outcome as someone else!) I just wish it wasn't this way. I wish more women felt comfortable in their own skin and could see they are beautiful. I pray that my own daughters (if I ever have any) can see that it's not necessary to change who they are to be loved... and I hope any future sons learn to appreciate the women in their lives for why they are.

What a rant that was... I think I've had to much caffiene today! Man, I think I might be coming across as a bitter Betty, but I think if you consider what I've said- you'll see it to be true. And today wasn't all bad...

The comic relief came in the form of Steve Harvey. While I read through a silly teen novel from the lovely Lurlene McDaniel (yes, a review is coming soon!), Mark skimmed through Harvey's Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man... and after all the crap we flipped through on the shelves, it was the most real thing I heard all day. I don't know if I'll actually read that book this year- but more than once Mark chuckled to himself and then turned to me and repeated a line about female behavior that made us both crack up. He had it pretty point on... turns out ladies try too hard (DUH!) and tend to go a little overboard (Ya think!?!?) and women really should just be themselves (Haven't I been saying this all along?!?!). Like I said earlier, it was really interesting to get a male perspective on the ladies in their lives and their (sometimes completely ridiculously insane and irratic) behavior and then it was super validating to have Mr. Harvey himself back up everything we'd discussed!

All in all it was a wonderful way to spend my lazy Saturday... even if I did get a little more than worked up. Now that I know this little gem of a store exists, I will definately be going back and hope to have many more open discussions about popular literature. Does your town have a local book shop or a library you can spend some time in? Take your friends, grab some books and discuss! I highly recommend it!

Don't forget to look for the highly rediculous ironies in literature. Also seen today: The biographies of Cleopatra and Miley Cyrus resting side by side... I'm sure Cleopatra loves that!!!

18. A Girl and Her Money

We spend money we don't have
to buy things we don't need
to impress people we don't even like.
-m.scott page

My name is Lindsey and I am a shopoholic. Granted, I do not drop thousands in one day, and I don't even have a credit card - I still find myself grabbing that cute yellow purse and tossing it up on the counter to be paid for just because I've always wanted one... It's a sad condition really- loving things and buying things and then having a closet full of things that you wear only once or twice and then trade off with your mom cause you decide you like her things better and she yours... and then after a year or two said things end up in a yard sale for a fraction of what you paid for them because you just never used that thing you just had to have... We're women. It's a curse.

Sharon Durling- the author of A Girl and Her Money, says that unwisely wanting things and getting them happened the second Eve ate the fruit and realized she needed new clothes... and we've been working to shop ever since. We've buried ourselves so deeply in debt that we can't possibly imagine pulling ourselves out. It's so frustrating.

My main problem isn't exactly shopping its the fact that I don't spend the extra money I have wisely. It's hard to pay all my bills and then not treat myself with what is left in the bank. I can justify anything (just ask my parents!) and spending that little extra money doesn't seem so bad when I REALLY need a new pair of jeans or must have new mascara.

This was the perfect book for me to read right now because I've been taking some time to sort out my finances. I recently came to the realization that I'm not promised a spouse. I'm not always promised a job. I'm not guarenteed any extra income and I'm certainly not sure I'll be given retirement compensation (RETIREMENT!!??!?! I'M ONLY 25!!!!) But it's up to me to sort all this out and prepare for the future that I can't see.

Last summer I broke my foot and had no insurance. I'm still paying those bills and will be for quite some time.. then I got h1n1 and had to pay out of pocket plus lose 8 days wages.. It cost me nearly $500 to lay on the couch for a week. Not knowing the future can take a serious bite of out what little money I have so I think it's a wise choice to go ahead and start scraping together those few extra cents I have every month.

However, the author clearly defines that financial freedom is freedom from money, not freedom to spend money like a mad man just cause you have it. I want to be in a place where I can enjoy lifes little perks because I know I have it saved away and can allow myself to have a few fun things here and there- not spend with wreckless abandon because I've got plenty and I won't miss a few dollars- and can always make more later.

The idea of a retirement plan sounds scary now, but what about the other stuff I clearly need to be focusing on- I don't want to rent forever. I want a house that is all mine that I can nail countless holes in the wall or paint fun colors. I want a deck I can grill on without my neighbors standing three feet away. I want to not be worried about the car blocking mine when I leave my drive in the mornings. I very much want a house! But for now- I've got to figure out a way to lower my rent. My lease is not up until February but I have every intention of finding some place that is more economically feasible (hopefully with no other homes attatched to it.) and start saving the hundred or even 50 bucks I get to keep every month.

I've also taken up couponing lately. It's not the easiest thing to do and sometimes I have to pay full price for an item- but I've gotten much better about which brands I buy and watching for sales. Its saved me quite a bit lately and hopefully I'll only get better at it- I want to be a pro by the time I have more than one mouth to feed! My friend Laura is a genius at couponing and knows how to stock pile and have reserves of items... I hope to get to that point sooner rather than later.

I'm by no means Dave Ramsey, I think Ms. Durling made quite an impact on me. Her approach to this subject matter was head on: Men are from Home Depot and Women are from Macy's! We have these desires and a need to keep up with the Joneses and we spend before we think. It's a universal problem and we and our bank accounts and our future selves are suffering for it.

If you need a boost to start looking at your money differently- I'd definitely recommend this book. It's light and airy with alot of bibilical references to show that this isn't a new issue. People have been gaining and losing fortunes for thousands of years and even though we can't take our wealth with us to heaven- God gives it to us to manage wisely. Check this one out! It gets 5 stars from me.


18/52 Books (Currently 10 behind... Oops!)
5519 Pages Read.

17. Between, Georgia

"Do what you feel in your heart to be right-
for you'll be criticized anyway.
You'll be damned if you do,
and damned if you don't."
Eleanor Roosevelt

I came across this quote earlier in the week and it's odd how it's come into play more than once. I've been feeling a little frustrated lately. It seems no matter what I say or do or how I try to smooth over a particular situation- I'm going to lose a friend anyway... which sucks because I don't know what happened in the first place- many months ago - to make this friend angry. For the life of me I can't figure out where things went wrong and how we ended up at odds with one another... it seems like this has been festering for a long time and came to a head at a very inopportune time for both of us.

I don't like unresolved spats. If you've been around me for much time at all- you know I'm a talker. I like to sit down and talk to the person, hash out any outstanding issues. I like to figure out what we can do to work together to find a resolution.

Years ago I had my heart broken by someone who is now my best friend. I know that sounds completely weird- but it's not. He loved me.. just not in the capacity I wanted him to. Just a few days after his honesty, and my broken heart, he came to my apartment and sat opposite from me and told me that he'd do what he could as my friend to keep me in his life. I think that's true friendship and since that day I've not taken him for granted and I try to use that same attitude in fixing problems I have in other relationships. I feel icky and sad until I do.

I think this is why I could not put down this novel. It was shocking how the feelings of the lead character, Nonny Frett, mimicked my own recent emotions so closely. I desperately wanted a clean ending for her. I had to see her through.

Nonny comes from the tiny little town of Between, Georgia. Nonny is birthed by a Crabtree- a member of the most redneck and backward family in the area, but is quickly stolen and then raised by the Fretts- a family of wealth and religion. Her whole life a battle for her love causes the townspeople to bicker and stir up an all out war.

Nonny's "Damned if you do, Damned if you don't" attitude will almost break your heart. She can't take sides. She can't smooth over one family, for the other getting their feathers ruffled. She can't make decisions because someone will find fault with them and blame the other side's cursed family bloodlines. Every action has an equal and opposite reaction in her world. She's trapped in the constant struggle between two families who want her to pick them.

This is almost painful to read because she is trying to start her life over. She has a husband who's always got one foot out the door and a young family member who looks to her like a mother. She also has her own mother, who has lost both her hearing and sight and depends on Nonny to communicate to her all that is going on in the world. She has her own issues to work out and cannot due to the overwhelming emotions of those around her.

I have this buddy, we'll call him MB, who likes good lit as much as I do... maybe even more. His picks are pretty deep and often make me feel a little dizzy but even so, I recommended this book to him... that probably doesn't mean anything to you but it should... GO GET A COPY!


17/52 Books (Currently 11 behind... Oops!)
5353 Pages Read.

16. The Measure of a Lady

I will, without a doubt, read this book again and again. It was so simple and pure and heartfelt that I had trouble putting it down. Even weeks after reading it (read post #14) I can't help but feel that there is so much I missed- so much I can gain from reading this novel again. I don't know if I have any other books by Deeanne Gist but I will scour my shelves and possibly scour the book store to find more!

Set in San Francisco in 1849 The Measure of a Lady is the tale of Rachel Van Buren, a young woman who travels to California with her father and younger siblings with the hope of finding wealth during the great gold rush. During the journey Rachel's father passes away, leaving her to care for her brother and sister and make a life for them in a muddy, male dominated city. Finding adequate housing is the least of her worries as she must protect the innocence of her 15 year old sister in a city where the only other women are prostitutes and teach her brother an honest trade where gambling is the norm, all while she maintains the decorum of a proper lady.

This story was a breath of fresh air in a time where literature tends to thrive on a juicy sex scene or be dominated by love triangles (I know I've said I like a good love triangle in my books... but sometimes ya just need a good honest love story!) Rachel's tale really made me think about the things that our society doesn't focus on - how beauty isn't in sexy clothes or in a provocative pout, but rather in the subtle ways a woman can show her femininity without being blatenly obvious... Unfortunately for Rachel- she ends up taking her convictions and her demands a little too far and ends up in a world of hurt.

I felt a closeness with Rachel- who hasn't thought that their way was so right only to be knocked down a notch or two? I greatly indentified with her character and felt so horrible for her the second I realized what road she was headed down. I can't wait to go back and reread this story and look for signs I might have missed before- things that might have changed the outcome. I want to warn her!

I won't tell you the ending... I never do... but I will say that this is a story you should read. I don't know where this book came from or where to buy it (although I think this might be something that came from the christian book store) but you should get a copy. It will remind you of all the things that are unique and amazing about being female! (If you're a female reading this of course!)


16/52 Books (Currently 11 behind... Oops!)
5059 Pages Read.

15. Lucky Stars

I don't even want to think about how far behind I am. I'm almost frightened to check. So much has happened since I last wrote and honestly, I think it's because reading makes me go inside myself for a while and for quite a few weeks now I've been avoiding just that. Going inside myself meant dealing with some things that I wasn't quite ready to deal with but I'm back. In the course of this vacation from blogging I have managed to read two books (which in all honesty, I read weeks ago on the same day so I'm not as fantastic as I'd like you to believe.) but even so, I guess I'm not an entirely hopeless cause.

I will also say in my defense that a few weeks ago I attempted to give a review but my computer had a stupid moment and deleted everything I'd said. It did not make me happy, in fact- My computer crashed for about twenty four hours and left me with a feeling that bordered on a panic attack. Crisis averted- I found out how to upload firefox in safe mode and I saved the day. No male hero needed... which is freaking fantastic if you ask me considering I do not have a technology savvy bone in my body.

On to the task at hand- a book review.

Lucky Stars was a good book. It wasn't fantastic and it wasn't mind blowing and it didn't leave me aching for more but it was good. It did make me think a little bit though about roles we play in our lives and how we react to those roles and the roles of those around us changing. In this novel Jane Heller presents a very interesting plot twist: What if you and your mother switched places. What if you had an insane dream and you wanted it to come true so badly you could taste it... but in an odd twist of fate it came true for your mom?

I think I'd be jealous... at least that's my first thought. It really does irk me when someone gets what I want. It bugs me. It pisses me off. I think if I wanted to be a movie star like Stacey and suddenly my mother was thrust into the spotlight it would really hurt me. But then I thought about it- as an American twenty-something I have it made and my mom loves me more than I'll ever know so I think if something amazing happened to my mother- I wouldn't be jealous at all. I'd be 100% supportive. I'd be so happy and proud of my momma and I'd let the whole world know about her success- afterall, she's done that for me for years.

Back to the situation I mentioned early in this post... the one where I said I didn't want to go within myself and deal with things... Ya see... there was this boy... and now there's not. That's all you really need to know. You can figure out the rest on your own but you know what? The second my mom realized how hurt I was, she packed a suit case (And some pizza, bless her heart!) and drove an hour and a half to spend the night with me. She put up with having to share the lone bed in my apartment (a bed that she says is entirely too hard). She even put up with me when I couldn't sleep and tossed and turned for hours (She fed me a sleeping pill) and THEN she put up with me when in my sleeping pill induced slumber I had a dream about the boy who shall not be named and starting hitting her... (Sorry Mom!) But even so- My mom did that for me. I'm 25 (I mean twenty-something) And I should not be needing my mom to come get me out of situations or just be there for me when I'm upset but sometimes I do. Sometimes I need my mom and she's there for me. I have the best mom in the world so if my mother became the face of the number one tuna fish manufacturer in the world- you better believe I'd tivo all her commercials!

It's a cute book. You should read it.

15/52 Books (Currently 12 behind... Oops!)
4745 Pages Read.