My friend Mark and I met up to enjoy our caffeine enriched beverages and talk about life and literature. Mark won't mind me saying this but I cannot tell you how great it felt to simply have a nerd day! First we started talking to the barista about Jodi Picoult- my favorite author. Turns out the paperback version of her latest book House Rules comes out on November 9th! That is exactly one day after this girl's 26th birthday and if I don't receive a copy I will be incredibly disappointed. We then did a tour of the shelving and compared notes on other authors we did and did not enjoy.Several books stopped us in our tracks and led to some pretty in depth discussions:
The first shocker was The Idiots Guide To Adoption. Really, America? Really? First of all: If you are an idiot, please do not adopt a baby. They already probably had idiot parents and you are not doing them a service. Secondly, if you seek out the Idiot's Guide versus the counsel of a legally trained professional you should probably be adopting a dog instead of a kid. It just seems completely wrong and weird and creepy that this book even exists, much less that anyone buys it. This book literally made us have a ridiculously long laugh at the insanity of it all. It just doesn't make much sense.After we got over the shock of the Idiot's Guide we notice another horrible theme lurking on the bookshelves... many, many books began to pop up that make it seem as though women need to sell themselves short to achieve happiness in this life. We talked about this for hours- and it was nice to have a guys's perspective AND backing on the issue: Women really do think they have to change themselves for love and fulfillment and popular authors are doing nothing to stop this nasty, negative trend. Check out these ridiculous books:
The Man Plan. This one said that women need to change the way they dress, smell, sit, act, etc... to appeal to a man's senses. The inside cover clearly stated that the smallest things- down to what kind of movies you like and what kind of sheets you prefer really could be what is keeping men from dating you. What happened to being yourself and having common interests with a guy? Why do girls need to change every little detail about their lives so that someone will love them. Why can't you just like what you like and hop you find someone who likes the same things? Now, I'm not the greatest authority on this subject due to my current relationship status but I do know that the happiest I've ever been in relationships is what I was free to be myself and those are the relationships that ended on fantastic terms. I did not feel like I needed months to find myself again. I did not regret things during those relationships and I was quickly able to discover the things that went wrong and the lessons learned. I can't tell you how bad this book and it's message grated on my nerves- hence the thumbs down. Bad book. VERY bad book indeed.
The next book was even worse. Can you read that title? Marry Him: The CASE for Settling For Mr. Good Enough. ARE THEY FREAKING SERIOUS!?!?! This book left me seething mad. I have dated plenty of "Mr. Good Enoughs" and I thank God every day that I had enough sense to not marry one of them. Why must women settle just because they are lonely? Why is being alone considered worse than marrying someone just because they like you, make a decent living and meet your basic needs? Call me a hopeless romantic but I believe everyone can have phenomenal love if they hold out for it. Why make yourself miserable with mediocrity just because it's easier?!?! Don't worry, you'll never hear an actual review from me of it's actual contents contents- the back was enough to make me sick to my stomach and I absolutely won't be reading it.The third book that really irked me was this one: Committed by Elizabeth Gibert. If you think her name sounds familiar it is because she's the author of that book everyone is freaking out about called Eat, Pray, Love... a book that I absolutely abhor. I read it during a very difficult time in my life and according to everyone who recommended it- I should have found a greater sense of self, I should have been stronger and happier in my decisions. I should have loved it. Truth is- Elizabeth Gilbert learned absolutely nothing in her first book and her second left m
e shaking my head in disbelief. See the tag line? It says "A skeptic makes peace with marriage" Let me tell you the truth about this book: inside the front cover this book clearly tells of how the author ONLY married her husband because the U.S. Government told her she had to or he was being deported and how they spent MONTHS in southeast Asia trying to decide if they wanted to or not... but for the sake of their relationship and their ties to America they chose to do so. After reading the dust jacket I found so many things wrong with this book I had to put it down and walk away.***SPOILER ALERT: IF YOU INTEND TO READ EAT, PRAY, LOVE DO NOT READ THE FOLLOWING PARAGRAPH***
In the end of her first book Elizabeth Gilbert, who had previously said she was going to be celibate in the year following her divorce and spend time finding herself again, ends up in bed with basically the first guy who pays her any attention. I found this cruely disgusting. After all the truly beautiful growth she'd gone through in the beginning I really felt like she just caved the second a guy told her she was pretty. I felt so sad for her and totally disappointed in the outcome... and here in her second book, she tells America that she committed to the sanctity of marriage again out of sheer necessity... if she'd not married the guy- he couldn't continue to reside with her in her country... Why are all these authors teaching girls to settle? If you love someone- marry them and write a book about that... but don't marry someone out of spite for the government, clearly declare it on a dust jacket and call it a rebuttal for what you said in your first book.
These books that I saw today are really just a sampling of what's out there and I admit- I am a girl who purchased her fair share of self help books once upon a time but here's the truth: We don't need them. Girls should truly be who they are and not feel the need to change for anyone. Where are the books for girls who want to be strong and funny and quirky and themselves? Why do authors feel the need to buy into the insecurities of women? Basically it comes down to the bottom dollar and the knowledge that women will pay someone to tell them whats wrong with their lives and how to fix instead of doing just open and honest soul searching and taking action themselves. (Like I said- I'll be the first one to stand up at a meeting and say that I got caught up in these books once upon a time too but I'll tell you, Ladies, they do nothing but make you feel bad about yourself when you don't reach the author's goals in the end. Does the author know you and your circumstances? No. Don't take it so personally when you don't have the same outcome as someone else!) I just wish it wasn't this way. I wish more women felt comfortable in their own skin and could see they are beautiful. I pray that my own daughters (if I ever have any) can see that it's not necessary to change who they are to be loved... and I hope any future sons learn to appreciate the women in their lives for why they are.
What a rant that was... I think I've had to much caffiene today! Man, I think I might be coming across as a bitter Betty, but I think if you consider what I've said- you'll see it to be true. And today wasn't all bad...
The comic relief came in the form of Steve Harvey. While I read through a silly teen novel from the lovely Lurlene McDaniel (yes, a review is coming soon!), Mark skimmed through Harvey's Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man... and after all the crap we flipped through on the shelves, it was the most real thing I heard all day. I don't know if I'll actually read that book this year- but more than once Mark chuckled to himself and then turned to me and repeated a line about female behavior that made us both crack up. He had it pretty point on... turns out ladies try too hard (DUH!) and tend to go a little overboard (Ya think!?!?) and women really should just be themselves (Haven't I been saying this all along?!?!). Like I said earlier, it was really interesting to get a male perspective on the ladies in their lives and their (sometimes completely ridiculously insane and irratic) behavior and then it was super validating to have Mr. Harvey himself back up everything we'd discussed!
All in all it was a wonderful way to spend my lazy Saturday... even if I did get a little more than worked up. Now that I know this little gem of a store exists, I will definately be going back and hope to have many more open discussions about popular literature. Does your town have a local book shop or a library you can spend some time in? Take your friends, grab some books and discuss! I highly recommend it!
Don't forget to look for the highly rediculous ironies in literature. Also seen today: The biographies of Cleopatra and Miley Cyrus resting side by side... I'm sure Cleopatra loves that!!!
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