All day I've thought about what I could possibly do today that might scare me. I watched an episode of Ghost Hunters on Hulu and while that show might scare some people, it didn't scare me... and besides- it's not exactly what I meant when I said I wanted to do something everyday that scared me. I meant that I wanted to push myself outside of the box. I want to push my own boundaries.
And then, tonight as I made dinner, it hit me - making a bucket list scares me. Besides a list or two I made in elementary school I never really made such a list and for a list maker- that's a big deal. I think I've never done it because I'm scared I won't accomplish everything and the thought of letting myself down is terrifying.
So here goes - this is what I'd like to accomplish in my life...
*Have a book published*
I've written a novel and I have storylines for about 14 more in my head. I used to think this was impossible but now having put the first book on paper I see now it's not as daunting as I once though... now I just have to find someone who'll read it and then publish it. I emailed it out to a few friends and so far no one has sent me any feedback. I worked really hard on it so that's kind of disappointing but hopefully someone will read it and love it and I can get this book out there by the end of this year.
*Own a camp and/or resort*
I've said for years that I wanted to own a camp that opened doors for curious kids, but now that I work with a company that emphasizes tourism- I'm beginning to think a resort could be kind of awesome too... Of course, a significant other might have something serious to say about this but who knows where it could go... It could be awesome!
*Run a 5k*
This seems easy for alot of people but 1. I've never liked running and 2. I broke my foot in the summer of '09 making running pretty painful. Hopefully I can make this become a reality. It's going to take some work, but I'll get there.
*Own my own home*
I think this is a pretty realistic goal if I work hard. Renting is getting expensive and I'm getting tired of my white walls! :) I think that even if I don't get married in the next few years- owning a home will still be on my short list. I cannot wait!
*Learn to grill*
The idea of grilling scares the crap out of me! How in the world do you know how hot the grill is and then... how do you caculate how long its going to take to actually cook the meat! And what's even more important... How do tell a steak is medium well without cutting it open? It just seems so hard!
*Back Country Camp for a week*
I resently had my first back country camp experience in which... there were no bathrooms. It wasn't as horrendous as I thought it would be! Now that I know I'm capable I'd like to spend a week in the woods. Rinse off in the lake, cook dinner on a fire. I'd like to sleep in a tent and just enjoy the outdoors. I always thought I would have rather grown up in the outdoors.
*Go cross country in an RV*
How could this not be fun? I want to stop in every town and see their claim to fame! It would be fantastic.... as soon as gas prices go down! Of course, this is one project I will need a man for because I dont think I could actually drive an RV.
*Learn to ballroom dance*
I don't need to be able to win Dancing with the Stars but should someone of the opposite sex offer me his arm in the appropriate setting, I'd love to be able to hold my own on the dance floor... and not trip over my two left feet.
*Learn to play the piano*
I can pick out a song here and there after a year of lessons (9 years ago!) but I ran into problems when it came to putting both hands to use at the same time. I'd love to be able to sit down and play some Dino or Josh Groban whenever the mood stikes. I think that would be really theraputic.
*Have a family*
As I said in a previous post, I'm closer to 30 than 20 now and I'm not getting any younger. For the first time I have a job I can truly see myself in for years and my life is slowly settling into a comfortable pace... unfortunately I don't have anyone to share my life with. I think a husband would be fantastic and who knows... maybe there will be kids... or maybe my dog will get a compainion... or we'll get a fish. But I think it's important that I find that someone who will eat my burnt meatloaf and go get the mail on rainy days.
Wow... that's a pretty short list but other things like backpacking across Europe or swimming with the dolphins just don't inspire me. I feel like my list is simple and I think I like it that way. It took me 3 hours to write it and... it's perfect.
I don't even want to write this paragraph but someone is going to ask why I didn't put anything on here about my art work and why do I not have loftier goals for my creativity... and the truth is- my art just happens and I've found that the second I put goals on it then the goals turn to boundaries... and it just falls to pieces. This process is about making me strong - not putting limitations on how far I can go.
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